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© 2024 Faces Of Iowa
Robin, 46, Carroll
"I don't have time for people who act like there is any sort of reason that rape was OK or acceptable. There is not."
"I was so shocked and so startled by someone I was dating clearly doing something that I didn't want to do, and I confronted him about it, and that was scary, because I wasn't a confrontational person, and he was so mad, because he made it very clear that I only didn't enjoy it because I was inexperienced sexually. So he made it my fault."
R-word
"I didn't put a name to it until my friend said, 'Hey, you were raped.' R-word, full out. Because I'd honestly just believed him. I believed it was my fault. I didn't even acknowledge it until I was in my 30s, and then, even then, saying the word 'rape' was hard. That just — because it feels like putting the victim thing on it all over again, because it sounds so awful, that it blows the balloon back up a bit."
Society
"A woman can behave or wear whatever she wants, and that is not an excuse or invitation for her to be sexually assaulted. Period. And for people to excuse, like, 'Well, she shouldn't have—' No. He shouldn't have fucking raped her. Done. So I don't have time for people who act like there is any sort of reason that rape was OK or acceptable. There is not."
"I think the biggest misconception I think that is so truly and utterly offensive is men that try to explain away why they are not attractive to a woman is that, 'Well, you must have had some dude do something to you,' or, well, thinking that a rape would turn a woman into a lesbian. Those are two things that just drive me crazy and are so incredibly offensive and awful, that that is a man's ego trying to explain another man's crime or discount being a lesbian. Neither one of those things are OK. But that is the toxic masculinity coming forward. And realizing that there is, in a way, a collective ownership over the rape culture, in that it takes good guys saying, 'This is not OK,' and it takes parents raising sons to say, 'You don't do this,' and until those things keep getting better, better, better, guys are gonna make excuses for other guys' misdeeds."
#metoo
"It's about fucking time that there is a collective voice. By yourself, you feel incredibly alone, and it's scary and risky, and you're like, 'No one will care.' But when it's a large, loud voice of thousands of women who are like, 'Oh my gosh, finally I feel safe talking about this, because I'm not alone,' I think that's the power in it. This is a surge in power, and the power of women's voices and the power of women's truth, and so speaking to the #metoo movement specifically, my short answer is, it's about fucking time."
"There's anger at why this keeps happening, why it's still happening, and we're trying to turn the tide. And so it's that anger at your own scenario, but also angry on behalf of the next generation of women. If I'm getting in some faces, and making some guys squirm in their seats, I don't fucking care. I am never gonna shut up about this. That's another thing I will say. I will never shut up about this. Because until it stops happening, and until there's a recognition that women aren't here for your shit, I'm never gonna shut up."
To other survivors
"I believe you. I have no question. And you are not your rape. You are beautiful and whole and important, and you're not what happened to you. It's how you turned that horrible thing, and moved forward in as healthy a way as you could. And for some people, they haven't been able to do that, and I hope they get there. And for women who took that, and it put something in their belly where they wanted to progress in a positive, strong, intensely focused way and make something amazing of their life after that, my hat's off to you. And for the women who are still struggling, I hear you, I see you, and I am you."
