“‘Chronicles of a Trip’ is a catharsis.” In this personal project composed of three parts that coincide with three stages of my life, I use digital, film, disposable cameras and my phone to capture order and chaos while experiencing motherhood and gender violence. The first part is “Postscript,” about my pregnancy: Everything that comes with being a Latin American immigrant in Berlin, childbirth, motherhood and its complex emotions, the distance with one's own country and the lack of support, the rediscovery as a woman and mother and, at the same time, gender violence. After a few months of living an untenable situation, “Chronicles of a Trip“ records the second part of the work entitled “Kaputt” (“broken“, in German), which comprises the escape to a women's shelter (Frauenhaus) and the anonymous stay there. An overwhelming experience with a five-month-old baby. The uncertainty of not knowing how to go on or how to start. Exhausting bureaucratic and legal processes. Living in the flesh the experience of a system that still endorses violence and protects the perpetrators. The challenge of living with other women and children who are also victims of violence, solidarity without limits and at some point, a certain rivalry or rather, the survival of the fittest. As a spice, the obstacles of a language not yet mastered. It was three months of living together with 19 women and children, surrounded by chaos and uncertainty. Without understanding exactly what was going on, I systematically recorded the process with the equipment that was available. After that experience, I returned home (without him). To the same house, full of memories. Here begins the third part of the project called “Zu Hause” (“at home”) and this is where the question arises: What is my home? What is the home I want to build?
1 May 2019:
To give birth is the end of a period and the opening of another one. There are no signs of birth but suddenly some contractions start and I decide to go for a walk in the garden of the clinic. The sun embraces me and I know that the moment is about to arrive and I receive it calmly. But my stomach is turning upside down and finally I throw up. I decide to go upstairs, so they check on me, they say that I am already ready and that there’s no more time to wait. Suddenly my mind goes blank. I don’t remember how, but after some minutes I’m pressing on the bed. Wonderful. Malvina stays lying on my breast for nearly an hour, in the sun that keeps on shining through the window. I will never forget this scene.
3 May 2019: Today it’s colder and cloudy, but we can already go back home. Malvina is starting to take the breast. Although I do not yet know, how. I am feeling good, but I am still not able to sit. We take a taxi and I am feeling overwhelmed by something that seems to be the greatest happiness. The taxi is getting close home, Malvina is sleeping in my arms and I cannot believe it. I am shedding rivers of tears.